


Flowers Might Be The Death Of Him

by kenmapple



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Character Death, Death, Hanahaki Disease, Illnesses, M/M, Possible Character Death, Self-Esteem Issues, Supernatural Illnesses, Unrequited, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:54:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27356089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kenmapple/pseuds/kenmapple
Summary: This story was written for the Haikyuu Angst Week 2020.Unrequited feelings are something painful, scary. Having flowers growing inside you as a frequent reminder of that wasn't funny at all for him.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 6
Kudos: 28





	Flowers Might Be The Death Of Him

**Author's Note:**

> Hello~  
> I hope you enjoy this story!  
> I wanted to write something angsty for the Haikyuu Angst Week and unrequited love itself wasn't enough for me, so I decided to add Hanahaki to it.  
> Please read the notes at the end as well.

"When did I fall in love?" Kenma wondered. Ever since he could remember his feelings for Kuroo had never changed, they were always the same.  
  
When he was a kid, he felt this uncomfortable atmosphere whenever his classmates tried to talk to him, anxiety growing big deep inside his chest. He was better alone in a corner, focused on his video games only, and escaping from that terrifying reality surrounding him.

The first person he ever felt fine with was Kuroo. He was surprisingly at ease whenever they were together, behaving freely, showing his flaws and shortcomings, being goofy and acting stupid for fun, knowing everything would be alright and he wouldn't be judged. He had never felt anything awful because of Kuroo. At least not until now.

Flowers clogging up his throat were the first thing Kuroo made that hurt Kenma, even if it was unconscious. Kozume didn't notice whose fault it was at first, or rather, he pretended he didn't know. He refused to believe that the pain growing in his lungs as flowers was caused by his best friend, his childhood friend.  
  
It was so dumb of him to misunderstand something. How could he confuse plain friendship with love? He blamed himself for such stupid behavior, wanting to rip off every single flower out his lungs and get rid of those embarrassing feelings.  
  
The first time he coughed a flower was during practice. He felt too agitated, more than usual, so he asked for permission to go out and get some fresh air. He gasped for air, feeling something poking against his throat as his lungs started to tickle. There was a small lump trying to find its way out, which made him cough as hard as he ever had before. Something yellow came out of his mouth, out of his throat, to the palm of his hand, which he was using to cover his mouth. A flower, a daffodil. He had seen them before at his grandmother's house, as well as many other different kinds of flowers he wasn't able to remember right now.  
  
His grandmother was pretty fond of floristry and told him about something named "hanahaki disease" when he was a kid. A fantastic story about how unrequited love made flowers grow in your lungs. Having an unrequited love was already painful enough to top it with physical pain due to the plants ripping your insides. Anyways, Kenma thought it was just one story, which wasn't true, it was impossible for something like that to happen in real life.

But there he was, with a daffodil that came right out of his lungs.

Kuroo was the first thing that crossed his mind. He was the only one he could think of when it came to unrequited feelings; there was no one else but him that Kenma would have romantic feelings for.

Rather than anger or disappointment, Kenma felt scared. If everything his grandma told him was true, he didn't have many chances to end up with a happily ever after. If Kuroo didn't love him back, he'd have no choice but to go through surgery and save his life, losing each and every memory about his annoying friend in exchange... That or giving up his life, refusing to erase his happy memories, because Tetsurou was in every one of them.

He threw the flower away and went for some water, waiting for his breath to calm down and his face to turn back to normal. He wasn't going to tell Kuroo or anyone about it. He knew they all would worry about him, and Kuroo would definitely blame himself, even if it wasn't his fault, at least in Kenma's mind.

He went back to practice and finished the day as if nothing had happened at all.

As expected, Kuroo noticed something weird in Kenma's behavior.

—Hey, what've you been thinking of?

—Huh? Nothing, what do you mean?

—You're spacing out more than usual.

—I'm just tired.

Kuroo sighed, giving up.

—Ok, I'll stop asking. Tell me what it is when you feel like it.

They both stayed silent and kept walking home.

That didn't help at all.

Kuroo was always perceptive with everyone, but when it came to Kenma, it was in a whole new level. He would notice the slightest changes in his mood, if he was more tired than usual, when he was feeling happy or was excited about something. Those little details no one noticed were easy to find by Kuroo, effortless. How could Kenma not fall in love for that?

He got home and headed to his room immediately, throwing himself upon his bed. He took his phone and searched up the meaning of the flower he coughed earlier, because, according to his grandma, the meanings were helpful to know how the disease was developing.

Some flowers had more than one meaning, depending on the amount or sometimes their color, and it was the case of the daffodil.

"A single daffodil foretells misfortune" was all he had to read to know which meaning applied for him. "It symbolizes unrequited love".

He knew that already. The fact of puking a goddamn flower already meant his feelings were unrequited, so the meaning of the flower was something he already knew. He knew that already. So, why was he crying?

Tears started overflowing down his eyes, running down his cheeks. His chest was in pain, the worst kind of pain he had ever experienced. He gasped for air desperately, feeling his heart crumble and falling to pieces, resembling the tears falling from his eyes. It was the first time he cried like that, if not the first time he cried at all, at least that he could remember.

How was it that the source of happiness for his life had suddenly turned into an abyss of fear, sadness, despair and sorrow? The beautiful relationship they had built throughout the years was suddenly falling apart because he couldn't control his feelings and mixed up friendship with love.

His mother called his name for him to have dinner, but Kenma didn't listen, immersed in his own pain and tears until he fell asleep.

The next day his eyes were sore, swollen, and impossible to hide. He blamed the videogames, claiming he stayed up playing all night. His teammates believe him. Everyone but Kuroo, of course. He asked him again what was wrong, genuinely concerned, while Kenma kept repeating that his swollen eyes were because of pulling an all-nighter. Just like the day before, Kuroo stopped asking questions, believing Kenma would open up when he was ready to do so.

Time kept passing, letting out flowers every now and then. Sometimes one, sometimes three, four or five, all the same color or sometimes a variety of hues, almost resembling a rainbow. If Kenma ignored the fact that his time was running out, everything was fine. He managed to live a month like that, until his mother found out.Kenma was someone really perceptive, just like Kuroo, something he inherited from his mother. She noticed since the very begging that his son was not okay, that he was hiding something from her.

She knew Kenma cried the night when he coughed the first flower, but she didn't know what had caused it. She kept an eye over him as much as she could, until one day that, without trying, she found out about everything.

Kenma was brushing his teeth, getting ready to sleep, when he started coughing really hard, loudly. Mrs. Kozume went to see what was going on, and happened to appear right when his son puked some flowers, this time with leaves and the stem.

A bunch of white petals were all over the floor. Only some daisies managed to come out in one piece.

—Why didn't you tell me? —was all his mother said, holding him into her arms, hugging him. Kenma started crying, letting all he had been carrying alone finally out.  
  
There was no use in hiding it anymore, so he spilled everything out. The only thing he didn't mention was the responsible of his current state, but his mother figured it out herself.

—I’m sorry. I’m sorry! —Kenma kept saying against his mother’s chest while crying. She held him tighter, putting one hand on the back of his head trying to calm him down.

—There’s no need for you to apologize, you did nothing wrong. And if you’re worried about liking a boy, please don’t be. The circumstances might not be the best right now, but as you can see your feelings are true.

—But Kuroo doesn’t like me back, so it doesn’t matter. These feelings are useless, worthless. How could he like someone like me? Look at me!

Kenma pulled away and started rambling his insecurities out, yelling at his mother, exploding for the first time in a long while.

—Kenma! Stop! —his mother cut him off. She wasn’t going to sit there listening to his own son saying harmful things about himself right in front of her—. Is that how you feel? Is that how you see yourself?

Kenma looked away, slightly nodding.

—Kenma… —his mom grabbed him by the arm, forcing him to face her— Please, don’t say your feelings are worthless. You’re not even sure if he likes you back! And, it would be completely normal for him or anyone else to fall in love with you.

—Lying is a sin.

—I’m being serious, don’t make that face.

Mrs. Kozume knew that it was a waste of time to try convincing Kenma he was good enough to be loved, so she pointed out the flowers he coughed instead. Daisies meant “loyal love” and “I will never tell”, which made sense since Kenma’s feelings were true, honest, and he wasn’t planning to tell anyone about his condition.

—You should’ve told me when the first flower appeared. How long has it been?

—It’s not easy to say you’re dying because of unrequited love —he sighed— and I’m not sure, but around two months or maybe three?

—And you weren’t going to tell me until you died? We’re going to the doctor tomorrow, I don’t care if you like this or not.

—Mom…

—I said I don’t care. We need to know how the illness is going and… how much time you have left before it becomes dangerous.

Kenma had told his mom that he didn’t want to go through surgery until it was extremely necessary. All he could do was hope for Kuroo to love him back.

—Believe me, there’s still chance for Kuroo to love you! Just like you, he’s way too oblivious to notice his feelings.

His mother was being honest, perhaps being way too optimist, but it was better to believe his son would recover without going through an operation.

They went to the doctor in the morning of the next day. He said Kenma had around six months left before the disease was in its final phase. Coughing stems and leaves wasn’t a good sign, and the more flowers the worse. Luckily, Kenma had only done that three times or so. The doctor also told him to look for the meaning of the flowers, since they might be a good indicator of his current state. Finally, the doctor said that, whenever he coughed the whole plant with its roots, he had to go through surgery immediately.

They headed home, and his mother told him to try his best to make Kuroo fall for him. His life was on the line, so he had no choice but to do it.

As the days kept passing by, Kenma always remembered his mother’s words about how Kuroo might just be an idiot and don’t know he’s in love. It sounded too good to be true, but the slightest ray of hope was valuable for him.

Kuroo would always look after Kenma, notice the slightest swings on his mood, cheer him up, and leave him alone when he needed some space. Hell, he even built the team around him just for him to feel comfortable and keep playing volleyball. Considering all that, his mother’s theory wasn’t that crazy.

Suddenly, a new month arrived and he kept having flowers growing inside him.

Kuroo invited Kenma to his place for a sleepover, just as usual. Being self conscious of his feelings and Tetsurou’s actions made him nervous. Nothing was out of place; the soothing atmosphere that surrounded them was still the same, and Kuroo kept looking at him with the same eyes as always.

Kenma was lying face up on the bed playing with his PSP, and Kuroo took the chance to ask him some questions he had from time ago.

—Hey, you’ve been a bit distant recently. Why is that?

—I’m not; I’m the same as always.

—Yeah, sure. And I don’t know what docosahexaenoic acid is.

—What a nerd.

—This isn’t about me. Are you gonna tell me or what? —Kuroo sat on the bed beside Kenma, taking the PSP away from him and forcing Kozume to face him.

—Get off me —suddenly, Kuroo was straddling over him.

—I don’t think so. I’ve given you enough months already, now tell me what is going on.

Kenma started to feel his blood boil, his body burning hot. Kuroo was so close of him, pushing him down against the mattress, grabbing his wrist to keep him quiet. Then the feeling of warmth started to turn into itch inside his lungs.

—I’m serious, let me go.

—I won’t. Speak up.

The itchy sensation moved from his lungs to his throat.

—Get the fuck off! —Kenma yelled, trying to push Kuroo away from him with all the strength he could gather. The latter lost balance and fell to the floor. Kenma took the chance and ran away to the bathroom, locking the door.

—Wow, thanks. And you even locked the door? What is it? Diarrhea? —he joked.

Kenma didn’t answer, making Kuroo think he might have overdone it. Right when he was going to apologize, cough interrupted him.

—Hey, are you okay? Don’t tell me you’re gonna puke.

Again, no answer.

The sound of the cough started to decrease.

—You’re making me worry, please open the door.

Why now of all times? Was it because of feeling Kuroo’s body against him? His throat was in pain, more than usual, and when he looked down to the floor, a bunch of red petals were covering it. Those petals belonged to roses, red ones. There were also some spines spread on top of the red flowers, which explained why it had been that painful.

Kenma tried to pick up the petals as fast as he could while telling Kuroo he was fine.

—I’m sorry, but you coughed way too hard, I’m gonna open the door. —He had gone for the key and unlocked the door, watching Kenma picking up a lot of small red petals with his face as bright as the color of the roses. Silence surrounded them.

—What is that?

Kenma froze, tears gathering in his eyes.

—Don’t tell me… —his friend’s expression was the confirmation he needed to what he was about to say—. Kenma…

The only thing he wanted to avoid, the most important person he was hiding it from, Kuroo, now knew everything about his condition. Tetsurou held him in his arms, stroking his hair and trying to calm him down. After minutes and minutes of tears and crying, Kenma finally was able to speak again.

—May I know who it is?

Kenma just shook his head.

—Okay… then, how long has it been?

—Four months now. I have five left.

—I’m sorry.

—Don’t be. —He was apologizing, not knowing he was the one to blame for his friend’s situation.

—I can’t believe this is real. Why? It must be awful.

—It is.

—Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.

—It’s okay.

—Will you tell them? About your feelings. — _Them_ was the word he used; at least he didn’t assume it was a girl.

—No. If I do, they’ll try to force themselves to like me back. I don’t want their pity. I’ll just see what happens, and if everything fails I’ll have to accept the surgery.

—Well, you are such a wonderful person, so I’m sure you’ll make it! I mean, who wouldn’t love you?

—Stop, don’t say that.

—I’m being serious! You’re cute and handsome! Both sides of the coin. You truly care about your friends and have a good heart. It’s just a matter of time for the person to like you back!

If Kuroo felt like that about him, why was he sick in the first place?

—Stop.

—… Okay.

He looked for the meaning of the red roses. “Love, desire and a passionate feeling” no wonder the flowers truly represented how he felt at the moment.

They went to bed without mentioning anything related to hanahaki. While Kuroo was quietly sleeping, Kenma let his mind run wild.

Maybe it was best for him to confess to Kuroo. He confirmed he did see him in a good way, being one of the reduced number of people who actually saw him for who he was. Maybe his mother was right and Kuroo just needed a little help to realize his feelings. Even if being optimistic and blinded by his heart wasn’t like him, he couldn’t help but hold onto the slight hope in front of him.

Hours kept passing by, hours in which Kenma was gathering the confidence he needed to tell his feelings to Kuroo. “He’ll like me back” was what he kept telling himself to be able to confess. Maybe waking Tetsurou up at 3 a.m. wasn’t a good idea, but it was now or never. Kenma knew that waiting a little longer would make him hesitate and do nothing.

Kenma crawled to Kuroo’s side, silently.

—Kuro —he said, shaking him a little— wake up.

—Hmm? —his voice was deep, raspy.

—I’ll tell you who I’m in love with.

—What?! —he jumped off the bed, sitting straight, ready to listen.

—I thought you’d be angry since it’s pretty late.

—How could I sleep when you have something so important to say? I’m all ears. —And again, Kuroo showed his genuine concern for anything related to Kenma.

He started to waver, breathing deep to calm his heartbeat down.

—I… lo- love you.

Kuroo froze; his features dead serious. Then he bursted out laughing.

—Quit joking! —more laughter— this should be something serious.

Those words felt like a sting on Kenma’s heart.

—I’m not joking. I’m in love with you.

This time Kuroo’s serious face showed slight worry.

—Kenma… —he said, nervously smiling— Kenma, please —his smile broke down to fear. He rubbed his face against his hands.

—I… wasn’t sure if I should tell you or not, but I feel like there might be a chance for you to like me!

—Oh my god —it was Kenma who froze this time— I’m sorry. I’m sorry! —despair showed in his voice— I do like you! Even love you! But just the same I love friend. If I knew you’d mistake my friendship with love, I wouldn’t have been so nice with you.

—Kuro-

—Don’t make that face. It’s not easy for me either! I don’t want to lose you, but I know I can’t love you back. I just don’t feel it. I haven’t even liked a girl… how could I develop feelings for you?

He turned his face to Kenma, whose cheeks, eyes and nose were bright red as thick tears fell from his eyes. It was only then when Kuroo noticed he had said too much.

—I’m sorry —said Kenma as he picked up his stuff and left the room, heading back to his house. Kuroo didn’t bother to go after him, knowing it would only make things worse.

Kenma entered his room silently, trying not to wake his mom up, and headed to his room. He closed the door behind him, sitting on the floor while crying.

That was why he was careful with his thoughts and his feelings. He got carried away —the second time now— and got hurt once more. At least now he knew he had no chance with Kuroo at all, so the surgery wasn’t that bad anymore. He knew he’d lost his feelings and maybe some of his memories, but that meant the pain would fade away as well. There was no need in remembering someone if it would give you nothing but pain.

The next days he didn’t go to school, locked up in his room. His mother made him explain why he was acting like that, and once she knew, she apologized for giving him false hope.

Kuroo texted him, apologizing. He said he didn’t mean to say such hurtful words, but that he had been taken by surprise, with his guard down. Kenma just replied with “It’s fine, don’t worry about it”, since he was completely convinced that it was impossible for Kuroo —or anyone— to love him.

“If only I had rejected Kuro when we were kids, just as I did with all the other children who talked to me, I wouldn’t be in this situation” was the only thought in his mind for the next weeks, maybe months, and those stupid flowers growing inside him were a daily reminder.

Somehow he and Kuroo kept behaving as always, just as if nothing had happened. At least having him as a friend yet was relieving.

Kenma wanted to spend the most time he could with Kuroo, until the surgery was strictly necessary. Coughing flowers, destroying his throat and lungs, running out of air, and feeling his lungs being ripped apart when he breathed was just a little price to pay if he wanted to keep his feelings for Tetsurou the longest.

His teammates found out about his condition when he couldn’t help but cough in the middle of practice. His mom talked to Nekomata and explained the situation, while Kenma just spoke about it with Tora and Fukunaga. “Don’t worry, I’ll get the surgery before it’s too late” was all he said whenever someone seemed to be worried about him.

During the day things were pretty normal, nothing strange. His teammates were amazed by how unaffected Kenma was with the situation, having the same face and behavior as always. If it wasn’t for the flowers, they’d think he was completely fine. But they could only see him in the morning and part of the afternoon; Kenma only showed what he wanted to show, breaking down when no one was watching.

The nights started to have a different use for him. He no longer played videogames until he passed away. Rather, he made sure to let out all the anger and disgust he felt about himself.

It started one day when he was about to take a shower. He looked at himself in the mirror, grossed out. He was skinny, pale, had dark under-eyes and an ugly face. His body also left a lot to wish, unshaped, abnormal. To top it, his personality was horrible, “a pain in the ass”, annoying, asocial, introverted. Putting it all together made everything worse. Nor his personality or his body was attractive, he was undesirable. Or at least that’s how he saw himself.

Even if his friends told him how important he was for the team, how much style his hair had, how he looked cute when making weird faces, all he could see in the mirror was an ugly person, one who’d never be loved.

That’s what his nights were about ever since Kuroo rejected him, unable to focus on something else. Even his usual distraction —playing videogames— was useless.

Month after month he started feeling worse, coughing whole flowers, stems and leaves almost all the time. His energy started to decrease, unable to play for even one set, being replaced almost all the time by Tamahiko. If his teammates said he was an important part of the team, he knew he no longer was it. He was replaceable.

Every time he looked at the mirror, the image he saw was worse and worse. He was almost bones only, his under-eyes darker and darker, his lips chapped and his nails bitten due to his panic attacks and anxiety. His skin had turned paler; to the point his veins were easily seeable through his legs, arms and face.

Both Kuroo and his mother told him to go under surgery as soon as possible, claiming his body wasn’t strong enough to resist any longer, since he was weaker than the average person. He rejected the idea, stating he’d only accept it when he truly felt like dying.

Kuroo stayed closer to Kenma, even closer than before, taking care of him and giving him physical affection. Kenma hated the idea, he was being treated with nothing but pity, and he didn’t want that at all.

He felt like throwing up every time Kuroo hugged him or had the audacity to kiss him in the lips, despite feeling nothing but friendship for him. But what made him want to puke the most was the unpleasant feeling he had whenever Kuroo behaved somewhat _romantic_ , because even if Kenma said he didn’t like it, he was dead happy to receive some affection, even if it was fake. It stirred his insides up. How shameful he had to be for Kuroo to touch his ugly, disgusting body? His lips were dry and mistreated, and Kuroo was willing to kiss them just to please Kenma.

Kuroo would even please him sexually, caressing his body in more intimate ways, sliding his mouth and tongue all over his pale, cold skin, dropping kisses here and there, feeling Kenma twitching under him as his lower part reacted to the pleasure. Kenma would always close his eyes when things escalated to that level since he saw the awful expression Kuroo had when touching him like that. Tetsurou was in pain, his eyes showed deep regret, confusion and despair, knowing he was being an asshole, touching Kenma as he pleased in exchange for making flowers grow inside him, unable to requite his feelings. All he could do was give him momentarily happiness, ephemeral, a fake feeling of love.

Kenma never thought he’d experience something like that. His heart beating loud against his chest while being held by the one he loved, and his heart crumbling down knowing it was all play pretend, all at once. His body split up, one half feeling like he was in heaven, while the other half was burning and being tortured in hell. Not even once he didn’t cry while reaching the climax of pleasure. And Kuroo was crying as well. Luckily their cry was hidden under the sound of moans, even if they were painful ones.

Kuroo would notice the decay of Kenma’s every time they got intimate, being able to feel his backbone and shoulder blades showing more than they should. Sometimes he would cough some flowers when they were done, other times before staring. They slept together, side by side, Kuroo holding Kenma with his arms, pressing his thin and skinny body against him. He was cold, so he tried to warm him up using his body temperature.

Their relationship remained like that until the very last moment, when Kenma reached his last _safe_ month.

By that time, Kenma didn’t play volleyball anymore at all, and he would just cheer his friends while sitting on the bench. His voice had almost disappeared since his throat was way too sore for him to even try talking. He looked like a dead body walking here and there, using his last strength to keep going through life. His mother told him to stop, worried about his son’s life, forcing him to finally go through surgery the next day.

That night, at Kenma’s place, they were having a sleepover. As usual, Kuroo’s arms were wrapped around Kozume, trying to warm him up.

—So, tomorrow you’ll finally get rid of the flowers.

—Mhm.

—And you might forget about me…

—Mhm…

—I know I’ve been stupid, and that I’ve behaved like an asshole all this time. If it works for something, let me apologize.

Kenma just nodded.

—I’m sorry. That day, when you said you loved me, I said such mean things to you, and I’ll always regret it.

Kenma felt his eyes starting to get wet.

—I… really appreciate you and it hurts to know you’re gonna forget about me the minute the flowers leave your body. And don’t get me wrong, of course I want you to recover and be healthy again, but, you know, I have this nostalgic feeling of losing a part of me.

Kenma denied with his head —don’t… think like that— he managed to say with broken voice.

—I promise I’ll do my best for you to remember me, and if it fails I’ll make sure to become your friend again. —Kuroo held him tighter when he finished, kissing the top of his head.

Suddenly, Kenma started coughing louder than usual.

Kuroo thought he couldn’t hear any louder cough than what he’d heard before, but there he was, listening to Kenma ripping his throat while throwing up flowers and petals. The room was dark, so they couldn’t see what was truly coming out of Kozume.

Kenma covered his mouth with his hand, feeling the petals hitting against his hand. There was something different this time, aside from the long stems sliding up his throat. His hand started to feel wet, more than usual. The consistence of the liquid was too thin to be saliva, so he started to worry.

Kenma started pushing Kuroo off the bed, as a signal for him to turn on the lights. Kuroo flicked the switch on and turned his head back to Kozume, whose hand was covered in red. The more he coughed the more his mouth, hand and sheets turned bloody. Things got worse when the stem finally came out, attached to its roots.

Kuroo started yelling for Kenma’s mother to help them as he tried to pick Kozume up and take him downstairs. Kenma was holding him tight, as if he was trying to hold onto his life, using his last strength to stay alive a little longer.

Kuroo carried Kenma and the latter rested his head on Tetsurou’s shoulder, dripping blood all over him. Mrs. Kozume went downstairs with them and turned on the car, ready to drive to the hospital.

—Everything’s gonna be alright Kenma —his mother’s voice was cracking, unable to speak any more than that. Her hands were shaking while driving, her hold on the steering wheel tightened.

—Please, don’t give up yet —said Kuroo, who had Kenma in his arms— I can’t lose my best friend.

Even in the verge of dying, Kenma had been reminded of his unrequited feelings.

Kozume fainted on their way to the hospital, still able to listen to his surroundings; the voice of his mother, Kuroo’s touch against his skin, the nurses getting him ready for the surgery. Everything started to get blurry.

“Funny, isn’t it?” He thought to himself in between dreams and hallucinations “Kuroo’s love for me never grew bigger. Instead, I got this nasty flowers growing inside me.”

It was something fantastic yet ironical. Maybe Kuroo’s feelings grew inside Kenma rather than in his own heart. Maybe the flowers were the obstacle that didn’t let Tetsurou love Kenma.

At least he would be free now.

He’d get rid of the constant reminder that he wasn’t good enough to be loved. His feelings would disappear; all the pain, sadness and hate towards himself would be gone once and for all. He’d be able to live his life normally once again.

It was shocking for Kenma how he never blamed Kuroo for not liking him back; he knew it wasn’t his fault. Instead of getting angry at him and demand for love, he put all the blame on no one but himself, blinded by his own subjective opinion, unable to see himself as others could see him. He turned more negative than he was since he got Hanahaki, ignoring the good parts in his personality, focusing only on his shortcomings.

But it was okay.

He would never have to go through that again. Yes, he wasn’t going to remember his feelings for Kuroo at all, not even the ones friendship-related, but Kenma was so desperate that he didn’t even care about that anymore. Maybe feeling like Kuroo never existed in the first place was the best thing for him at the moment. “Kuroo will be sad, he said he didn’t want to lose a friend” yes, and so what? Perhaps it was his time to feel a little pain —which would be nothing compared to what Kenma felt at all—.

Kenma’s mind started to go numb, unable to think about anything anymore. Anesthesia was finally making effect. His body started to feel light, as if all the weight he had been carrying suddenly faded away. Was it just him or the room was getting colder?

Suddenly, everything disappeared. There was nothing at all; darkness and silence all around him.

His body was way too weak to go through the surgery.

His last moments had been so tragic, but Kenma was finally free, no longer in this world. No longer in the same world as Kuroo.

Passing away had been the most painless feeling he had ever felt.

Kuroo apologized to Mrs. Kozume, blaming himself for her son’s death. She just cried, falling into pieces, devastated.

She went into the room where his body was; saying goodbye was all she could do right now. She even told Kuroo to enter with her, which he ended up doing, reluctantly.

There he was. Paler than he had ever been, his mouth dirty with blood leftovers, cold, without life at all; gone.

The doctor gave them some time alone with what was left of Kenma’s existence.

It was the very first time Kuroo truly felt guilt for his actions. He foolishly believed Kenma would be just fine after the surgery, that he’d just have to make him remember or become his friend again. But those were nothing but his selfish desires.

Kenma’s mother knew that was how the story would end. She knew Kenma didn’t want the surgery at all, that he’d be unhappy after it, and Kuroo would be uncomfortable as well. She knew. She decided to let go of his son. But it wasn’t easy at all.

She sat beside the bed in which Kenma lied, crying on his son’s lap with Kuroo by her side. No one ever thought that his existence would end because of love.

At the young age of 17, with many things to live left behind, Kenma Kozume passed away.

He was finally free, wasn’t him?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello~  
> I feel that the most common thing is for Kuroo to be the one in love instead of Kenma, that's why I decided to make it the other way around. My brother said it was impossible for Kuroo not to love Kenma, and he's damn right. But for this plot purposes let´s pretend for a bit.  
> I had so much fun writing it, and since the very begining knew I wanted Kenma to die. I just struggled a bit writing the end of the story (I always have trouble with endings tho), but in the end I liked how it turned out!  
> I hope I managed to portray and project how miserable Kenma was feeling and were able to make y'all feel his pain.  
> Here's my [twitter](https://twitter.com/kenmapple_) in case you have something to say.  
> That's all I have to say, thank you for reading!  
> 


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